Recently, I have met one of the students for one-to-one sessions, where they want to discuss any queries and concerns regarding their academic development. She seems quite well while talking about her classroom performances until when she starts sharing her home tasks. Suddenly she asked ‘Sir, am I looking rude to you? It was an abrupt question; I said ‘No, dear certainly not but what makes you asked this from me? She shared with the lower voice, ‘my grandparents and even my parent always said that I am rude and I don’t care about my other siblings. I felt I am a bad person and I should have started working on it.’ We finished our one-on-one session on a happy note but I kept wondering what would happen to the kid’s mental wellbeing when we scold them or hit them in front of other family members?
Children have evolved compared to my childhood and so the need for cooperative parenting in today time. Hitting, scolding, taunting and even gets angry is still part of the ‘responsible’ parenting in many parts of the world especially in India and Pakistan. Therefore, I will be discussing five things that parents should not say or do to their kids especially in front of other family members or their friends. (Source: wowparenting)
(Related article: Why Kids Should Not Be Compared to Their Siblings)
Commenting on Your Kids Physical Appearance
It’s a matter of their self-esteem; though they are still kids. Objectifying your child by showing their embarrassing photographs to others is the most bizarre thing to do. If you want your children to look smart, healthier, and feel happy about themselves, prepare nutritious food, do some exercises with them, but name-calling isn’t the right thing to do.
Speaking Poorly of Other People
Parents at times have no idea what they talk or gossip, when in front of kids. When you are speaking poorly of people or bad-mouthing about others in front of them, you are not setting a good example. Have you ever thought, what if your kid happens to reveal the information? It will further worsen the situation and spoil your impression in front of others
Criticising Them Negatively on Their Academics
You’re such a disappointment; my friend said to his 8-year-old son when he came back home with a bad report card. It is such a negative statement to say to your kids. Your kids can mess up in studies but still, it is okay. Your kid may have performed poorly but he/she has done well in other subjects, appreciate them for their efforts and encourage them to improve on their poor grades.
Being Sarcastic All the Time
Kids don’t understand sarcasm. They don’t know when we shout at them in anger. Kids can easily understand the behaviour; however, the details they have misunderstood are often replaced with an emotional charge.
Making Fun and Teasing Them in Front of Others
It may seem funny to tease your child in front of others, but it may hurt him/her from within. Your kid will grow up with negative thoughts and fear for certain things in life, or maybe lack of confidence. Do not make fun of your kids publicly or shame your kids as it can hurt their self-respect.
The parents need to know that kids in a certain age, especially adolescent, follow whatever we do, say or react because they idealise parents in their early life. Therefore, it is wise of being cautious while speaking or reacting in front of your kids and try not to call any of the above things to your child. Positive parenting is all about practising what you put out in front of them, your words, your attitude and the image you project in front of them.
Good Luck 😊